guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i will never coherently bang her
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
