I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
