You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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