Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My cat gives me a boner
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
