if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
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Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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