I am puke
I wish I only lived at night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
