oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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