Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
