I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
