If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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