Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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