Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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