Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
