I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
