cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish i was in the wii world.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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