Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
