i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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