yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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