Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
