I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
