I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
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He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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