is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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