I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize