I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
