I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
