I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
