Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
