Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
