i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i came on her dog
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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