Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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