When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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