he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
