We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
