Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
