someone threw a dead crab at me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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