Screwed.edu
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
