just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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