I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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