I just cut my nipple shaving
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
