so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
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If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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