she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
