one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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