Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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