I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
