just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
