I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up under a house in Key West
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