Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
