If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
