Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
