Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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