Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
