How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dicks are not precious.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
