did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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