Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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