Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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