i think i have two assholes
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
