ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
