Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
this will be a night to untag.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
