My underwear smells like fireworks.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
