I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
