We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
