So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You were trust falling into bushes
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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