Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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