sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
