Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
