yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
