Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
