My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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