R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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