On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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