guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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