i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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