peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
