i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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