it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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