Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
