He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
where are you?
Hypothermia
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
