what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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