yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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