Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize