You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
