Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
