i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You're like the curious george of whores
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
