we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
