the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
