Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
