Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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