I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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