Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
