Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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